How To Start Mending A Broken Heart After You & Your Boyfriend Break Up
Its the part right after that f@%!ing hurts.
Call it heartbreak. Pain. Whatever.
Language always falls short here. Trying to wrap all of what you are going through in label is almost laughable.
Its too intense and personal too really describe…
And there are all these little things that are highly meaningful to you, but are really hard to communicate to others.
Having A Broken Heart Is Also About Letting Go of Your Future Together…
Or you fantasized about it secretly.
You created a future with him in your mind. Letting that go has its own kind of pain.
In a sense there is a kind of death that happens when it really settles in that the is the future self you created with him in mind isn’t going to happen.
Especially this soon after its hard to think of or even want to think of what you are going to replace it with.
In fact when its at its worst it almost impossible to simulate anything aside from the pain you are feeling.
That why there is this really powerful feeling of permanace as if that pain will be there forever.
And why sometimes just when you think the clouds have parted a little bit or that you were begining to not think about it, something random triggers the pain again.
The Pain of A Broken Heart Is An Inevtiable Part of Letting Him Go…
While the pain is inevitable, if you change your relationship to it, you’ll take much less time to get over your ex boyfriend, feel less pain overall and still have plenty of the capacity to fall in love with next guy who comes along, whether or not you care about that right now.
Getting over her
is not a straight line…
It’s a zig zag back and
forth.
As a result they never take control over the process. The control that only comes strangely to surrendering to it feeling the pain of adjusting to your new reality.
Healing the Painful “Broken Heart” Feeling Starts With Actively Grieving Over Your Ex…
Some time the process of healing get drawn out up part of this is that women often get attached to their pain. They feel like their pain gives meaning to what they had with their ex boyfriend.
Another one is confusing grieving with depression.
Sometime the process never starts. Another big one is that fully grieving involves truly accepting that its over.
If you’re convinced you’re going to get him back or that he’ll see his mistake and come back to you never even get a chance to do this.
And often that tension that comes with there being the slightest possibility keeps women stuck and in limbo until they eventually move onto someone else.
Feeling The Heartbreak Ironically Will Help Free You From It…
So they start judging themselves for being weak, a hopeless romantic, wearing their heart on their sleeve. They think they should be stronger.
And the whole things becomes like this internal struggle against themselves, which not only amplifies the pain but it keeps you from really grieving.
So its important to give yourself permission to be human, with all of its fallabilities, irrationalaties and weaknesses. And give yourself the safty and experience the pain without attaching so much judgement to them or worrying what he or anyone else might think.
So instead of thinking.
“He isn’t worth your tears…” “You shouldn’t cry over a guy like that.” “I hate being this emotional.” I shouldn’t still be THIS hung up over him.” “I feel stupid for thinking about him so much.” “He wasn’t right for me anyway.” “Why do I care this much if it wasn’t meant to be?”
“I’m feeling pain over losing him.” “It hurts that it has to end that way it is…” “I still miss him despite everything.” “ I’m still having trouble accept the idea of not having him around.” “I don’t want to let go of the connection we had…” “I feel painfully conflicted because Im still not sure if I made the right choice.”
5 Comments